Here I am again, Lord, wrestling within my soul. I lean my face into Your chest knowing this is the safest place to be. I breathe in Your peace, Your constancy, Your steadfastness. The sweetness of Your love floods my soul as tears sting at my eyelids.

“Jesus, You are love, You are the God of miracles! You are NOTHING but good! You do nothing that isn’t GOOD! Yet, my heart asks…

“What about all the pain, Jesus? My heart feels like it’s breaking!  I’m scared to feel tonight! I don’t want to care so deeply because the pain and grief is so raw. Help me Jesus, to not shut off my heart because it hurts.”

As my heart continues this silent dialogue, it knows it’s safe so out spills the rest, unashamedly.

“What about this beautiful young mother who just found out she has cancer? What about her precious babies? What about all the evil racism where the innocent die and the mom is left to somehow grapple with life, facing the very realness of raising her children alone in a world who has forgotten that we are ALL human souls with a heartbeat and destiny?
What about the beautiful women who long for a child, yet are denied that very thing? So many questions burn inside. It doesn’t make sense, Jesus! There’s so much pain and suffering!”

“God, my heart breaks!”

My heart wrestles as I lean in to hear what I already know.

Still my head rests on my Savior’s chest as He patiently and tenderly waits, never rushing, never reprimanding me. He helps me embrace all the emotion instead of running.

As tears freely flow, suddenly I understand from His heart to mine that He too wrestled. He wrestled with agony, knowing that it would look like evil had won, yet simultaneously knowing WHO His Father is. You see, He KNEW His Father would have the last word! Regardless of how hurtful, how painful, how evil and horrific, He KNEW His Father was GOOD! He knew He was loved and adored,  so much so that He trusted him fully till it was completed! He KNEW who would win!

So, He yielded.

He trusted, as He wrestled, resting in knowing WHO His Father is. This He spoke to my wrestling heart.

A sigh escapes.

Relief comes followed by peace as my eyes lock with His. He knows it all. He understands humankind. He is tender. He is so compassionate and yet fierce fire burns within His soul.

My soul can now rest, knowing again He is nothing but GOOD! Do I know how it all turns out on this side of eternity?  No, I don’t.  But on heaven’s side, we win!