bio<\/a>, then you know that I did not grow up in the best environment.\u00a0 My childhood was filled with drama and trauma.\u00a0 When it came to love, my parents did not show or express it well.\u00a0 \u00a0One was not affectionate at all and the other was too affectionate.\u00a0 One expressed love in complete and utter silence while the other expressed their love in extravagant gifts.\u00a0 Therefore, I grew up with a distorted view of love, complete distrust of men, and a severe dependence on self (and only myself).
When I was 16 years old, a friend who was sharing her own deeply tragic and traumatic family experiences made this statement, \u201cI just don\u2019t know how people live their life without Jesus in it.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0That statement pierced my heart and I felt like I had been sucker punched.\u00a0 In fact, it literally took my breath away. \u00a0Emotionally and spiritually, I was like a fish out of water, gulping for air.\u00a0 You see, I already knew that I was broken.\u00a0 But when that statement was released in that vehicle, the Holy Spirit flooded the car and immediately started tending to my wounds. \u00a0It was painful, yet soothing.\u00a0 It was heart wrenching, yet heart mending.
It was grace.\u00a0
It was mercy.\u00a0
It was love\u2026 pure, unadulterated love.\u00a0
The first I had ever really seen.
Fast forward three years and I am standing at the altar pledging my undying love to the man of my dreams.\u00a0 Vowing before God, our family, and friends to love and cherish him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward.\u00a0 I really had no clue at the time what that even meant.\u00a0 I was na\u00efve\u2026 and in love with the idea of being part of a normal family for the first time in my life.\u00a0 Bless my husband\u2019s heart, he had no idea what he was signing up for when he married me.\u00a0 I had seen very few healthy marriages throughout my life, so I was clueless on how to be a wife.\u00a0 Even though I had been a Christian for three years at this point, I had walls up.\u00a0 No, I had buildings up, with a huge moat around those buildings.\u00a0 And alligators with sharp teeth in the moat. \u00a0Well, you get the idea.\u00a0 And as much as I wanted to show my affection, I just did not know how.\u00a0 It was hard and COMPLETELY unnatural for me to do so.\u00a0 And yet God paired me with a man whose number one love language is affection.\u00a0 (shaking my head smirking, cause ain\u2019t that just like God!?)\u00a0 Steve wooed me with the patience of a saint.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t push, he didn\u2019t pull.\u00a0 He just gently pursued me and lovingly adored me\u2026 and my scars.\u00a0 It was painful, yet soothing.\u00a0 It was heart wrenching, yet heart mending.\u00a0
It was grace.\u00a0
It was mercy.\u00a0
It was love\u2026 pure, unadulterated love.\u00a0
The second I had ever really seen.
This sounds terrible, but I literally had to force myself to be affectionate and loving towards my husband.\u00a0 I had to make myself reach for his hand or not recoil when he reached for mine.\u00a0 I had to train myself to accept his hugs and learn to lean into his embrace instead of just giving him a quick hug and shirking away.\u00a0 It was HARD!\u00a0 I had to completely reprogram my brain and my heart.\u00a0 And it took years.\u00a0 And while I have come a long way, I recognize that I still have a long way to go.
I do try to show my love in other ways.\u00a0 I obviously love to express myself through writing. \u00a0When my kids reached their teenage years, I made it a point to write them a long letter each year on their birthday to share with them how much I love them and how proud of them I was.\u00a0 I wanted them to have something tangible that they could hold onto for that year to look back on if they needed to.\u00a0 A yearly vow, a promise to love them unconditionally, through the good times and the bad. \u00a0
I also enjoy loving others through acts of service.\u00a0 While my father showed his love by buying things for people, I often show my love by DOING things for people.\u00a0 It makes my heart happy to bring joy to others.\u00a0 And one way I know how to do that is by making myself available to help them any way that I can.\u00a0 I like to pay close attention to details, to the small things that people like or need done, and then offer my services to them.\u00a0 I try to do it with excellence and to the very best of my ability because to me it is an expression of my love.
Ah, but the whole purpose of this post is the title.\u00a0 While binge watching Netflix over spring break (or covid break), I was mindlessly watching Call the Midwife and heard this phrase \u201cThe world is full of love that goes unspoken\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0It struck me deeply so I immediately typed it in my notes app so that I could reflect on it over and over again.\u00a0 Here it is months later, and it still convicts me. \u00a0Maybe more so now than it did before as our world is currently full of such intense hate and anger.\u00a0 The current trend is to spout your \u201ctruth\u201d and crucify those that don\u2019t agree.\u00a0 And while I try my best to avoid those posts on social media, I also recognize that love is a powerful voice and it\u2019s not being heard because it\u2019s not being spoken.\u00a0 Which causes me to contemplate\u2026 how loud is the love in my life?\u00a0 Do my family and friends KNOW that I love them?\u00a0 Am I great at voicing my heart to those closest to me?\u00a0 Pamela Daranjo said, \u201cHearts are often broken by love gone unspoken.\u201d Ouch! While I may show them love by being affectionate or writing them a love note or doing something special for them\u2026 do I TELL them enough?\u00a0 Sadly, I do not.\u00a0 This is another aspect of love that God is growing in me.\u00a0 It is painful, yet soothing.\u00a0 It is heart wrenching, yet heart mending.\u00a0
It is grace.\u00a0
It is mercy.\u00a0
It is love\u2026 pure, unadulterated love.\u00a0
What I hope others someday see in me.
P.S. In case I haven’t told you lately… I love you! \u2764<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"If you have read my bio, then you know that I did not grow up in the best environment.\u00a0 My childhood was filled with drama and trauma.\u00a0 When it came to love, my parents did not show or express it well.\u00a0 \u00a0One was not affectionate at all and the other was too affectionate.\u00a0 One expressed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":13592,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[65,58,39,23],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/speak-love-3.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9yowO-3wY","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13576"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13576"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13576\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13594,"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13576\/revisions\/13594"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13592"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13576"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13576"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeamplified.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13576"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}