“You’ve ruined your daughter! She will have emotional/mental issues throughout her life because of you! She will need therapy! You’re a horrible mom! You’ve failed! You’ve ruined her!”

The words rushed through my head whispered in a silent, yet loud, scream throughout my entire being as gut wrenching sobs shook my body. It was night time, my family was asleep, and all else was quiet. In order to not wake my precious ones, I found myself on the bathroom floor in a fetal position sobbing into a pile of dirty towels, hoping to muffle the groans I could no longer contain. The claws of self loathing, fear, and gut wrenching agony of feeling like an utter failure as a mom gripped and squeezed my heart until it felt like I couldn’t breathe. As I let myself feel the failure, the agony, fear, and inadequacy overwhelmed me and it felt like I wasn’t going to be okay. I couldn’t pray except for “God, help!” 

As the sobs ebbed and flowed, the words I had heard previously became such a heavy weight I couldn’t bear anymore.  I knew I needed to reach out to a group of friends who had journeyed with me before through some really yucky stuff.  I knew I was in a dangerous place and desperately needed to hear truth in that moment. Kneeling on the floor, I texted as the tears fell, barely able to see, hoping someone was still awake. The words that came back not long after were,” I’m praying for you right now.” AND THIS…

“Sarah, can we REALLY mess up our kids? 🤯🤯  If God truly does work out ALL things for good, then won’t He turn our mistakes around?”
 

I was shook, stunned as I sat on the floor trying to grasp what had just been said! It took me a little while as I grappled with the thought of, “could it be true that we can’t mess up our kids?” So many many thoughts swirled around my head as truth collided with the fear and lies, hope now beginning to rise. Why yes, THAT is who God is! THAT is what HE does! He is good, He turns my mistakes into something glorious. As the words kept flooding in on my screen, now tears of gratitude streamed, unstoppable.
Turning my face to Jesus, the One I knew holds me like no other, I released all the fear, anxiety, and self hatred. His mercy, His grace, His love and forgiveness now filled my whole being and brought a healing balm to my weary heart as once again I realized His utmost powerful love for me, a momma, for such a time as this! This is what truth does!

Friend, if there is but one thing you hear, may it be this! What if your failures AND your response to those failures actually points your children to Jesus instead of away from Him?

Can you REALLY mess up your kids? Is God not bigger then your failures? Maybe it’s your response to your mistakes and failures that will show your children who Jesus is for them? What if we get to model what grace looks like here? (this has been pivotal in my parenting)

I’m right there with you, momma! God has you, your little (or now perhaps grown) ones, He’s got you, and yes, it’s true, He tenderly leads those with young as Isaiah puts it! You are not a failure! You are not alone!

If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to someone or to one of us here! We will cheer you on and not leave you by the wayside!

Isaiah 40:11 Amp
“He will feed His flock like a shepherd: He will gather the lambs in His arms, He will carry them in His bosom and will gently lead those that have their young.”

For further reference on more of what was texted that late night, go read Jamie Eggers’ blog post titled, “Can We Really Mess Up Our Kids?” It will be well worth your time!