My dear sweet son, this is for you today! It’s your 7th birthday, the day I still carried you in my womb as you quietly slipped away into the arms of Jesus! You are a special precious blessing to me (as your mommy), to our family, and to extended family!

After all those years of month after month hoping against hope that I would find the pregnancy test to read positive, you, my son, broke the pattern, you were planted, you made me mom, you made us parents. You are a miracle! You are my firstborn and always will be!

Our hearts were in awe as the realization that our many years of infertility were over and that you were an answer to prayer! We were thrilled, yet stunned. As we prepared for you to join us, we experienced many firsts, fear of failing you, yet knowing God would help us steward your heart!

What we were not prepared for was the fact that you would go ‘home’ to heaven before we could even hold you, before we could hear your voice and see your eyes! We didn’t know! We never dreamed we’d have to let go so soon! It all felt so wrong as we buried your tiny little body! Every part of me wanted to grab you out of that little white casket and hold you close! But what could I do? You wanted to stay and grow and learn in heaven. And so, child, we released you, but we weren’t prepared for the deep dark valley that we would face. We weren’t prepared for the agony in our hearts: the pain, the anger, yes, anger, wondering why a loving God would take you home so soon!

Our hearts shattered into a million pieces as we wrestled with God, with thoughts, with questions, with pain and grief, yet felt the sheer delight of your joyous entrance to heaven! My heart even breaks just a bit more today as I write, yet it heals at the same time. Funny how that works!

You, precious child, draw our hearts heavenward often, you’ve shown us what life is all about. You’ve put us on a journey that nothing else could’ve quite done… we know today how tender, how utterly loving and faithful God is to us! In our searching, in our finding, in our yearning to come running to hug you, to hold you close, to smell heaven in your hair, to feel your joy, in all those things, we are learning to lean in to Father God, to trust Him with our short journey here! Thank you for making heaven real! Thank you for being our son, our firstborn, for making me a mom. You, darling will never be forgotten, no never! So, happy 7th birthday, handsome young man! You are but a breath away! I’ll see you when I get home!