Throughout most of my childhood, I was on constant alert. I had to constantly gauge my father’s mood every second of every day in order to know how to behave and react. I didn’t have the luxury of time to reason through things and respond logically. In survival mode, you learn to react and react fast, because every choice can be a matter of life and death.

This carried out throughout most of my adult life, even though I had been rescued and redeemed. It was so ingrained in me that I really thought nothing of it, except when my reactions hurt others. (And sadly, sometimes not even then.)

It took me decades to learn the power of response.

Until a few years ago, I was a major REACTOR! If you’ve read any of my previous posts, then you know that I was a control freak. It was my way or the highway. I didn’t have much sympathy for stupidity and I usually didn’t have any qualms about telling others how I felt. I was also a master at sarcasm, which was just a disguised way to verbally lash out without sounding like the wretch that I was.

When I went through what I call “my season of surrender” a few years ago, God completely changed my heart. He broke down every barrier and wall that I had put up in my life and showed me that it wasn’t my job to self-protect. He softened areas of my heart that I didn’t even know had hardened. I often find myself weeping in compassion over things that never would have affected me before. This greater sense of empathy has put things in a different perspective for me and has impacted the way that I respond or react to others.

You see, reactions are all about me. They reflect how I feel, when I feel it. They are those lightning-quick, often harsh, words that burst forth when I am angry, upset, frightened, and/or hurt. They are thoughtless actions and behaviors based on emotion.

Responses are more thoughtful. They are guided less by emotion and more by logic. Responses take into consideration other people’s feelings. They involve compassion, understanding, and reasoning. They recognize that there are choices and consequences for those choices. And that the choices we make don’t just affect us.

Do you wonder why most people react instead of respond? The Bible says in Luke 6:45b that “…the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

My heart was full of fear: fear of having no control, fear of being hurt, fear of not measuring up. Reacting for me was a defense mechanism, a coping strategy, a protective shield. But, you see, love and compassion cannot grow in a heart filled with fear! Once I booted fear out and completely surrendered my heart to God, there was more room for His love. It changed me. And if He can change me, then He can change you.

Here are some verses that have helped me choose to RESPOND instead of REACT:

James 1:19 (NIV) – “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.…”

James 1:19 (AMP) – “Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving] ….”

Phil. 1:27a (NIV) – “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.”

Proverbs 18:13 (NIV) – “To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.”

Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Psalm 4:3b (AMP) – “The LORD hears and responds when I call to Him.” I am SO thankful that God doesn’t flippantly REACT to my prayers but thoughtfully RESPONDS to them!

Here’s a word picture that helps me when I need to make the choice to RESPOND or to REACT. When I think of the word RESPOND, I think of first responders. What is their job? Their job is to help and to heal. How do they do that? They calmly and thoughtfully approach the situation and take it one step, one breath, at a time. When I think of the word REACT, I think of a chemical reaction, an immediate explosion, which often causes great harm and destruction.

In your relationships with others, is the goal to offer healing and restoration or to bring pain and desolation? Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV) says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” The Message puts it this way, “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.”

You, my friend, have the power to choose. When situations arise, will you be a RESPONDER or a REACTOR?