So much stirring in my heart today… Tuesday I was at a place/meeting where I knew no one, and couldn’t have been more out of my comfort zone! I went, because I knew that being afraid or uncomfortable isn’t a good reason not to do something. My boss has often told me over the years “do it afraid”. We all know if you wait to do something until you’re not afraid, that will be, um — never. But that day, at this place, I came face to face with a lie I have spoken over myself for years.

In my adult life, for a variety of reasons, I have developed a bad habit of saying a particular thing about myself, and it’s variations of this: I can’t speak well / my words get tangled around themselves / words come out weird for me when I talk / I can’t express myself verbally in a way that is clear and succinct / I’m so dumb because I can’t even form a clear sentence, etc.
NEVER has God told me I can’t speak… and I’m honestly not sure where/when I even started believing this! In fact, over 10 years ago during a struggle with this, God gave me a precious verse that instantly became my life verse.

Isaiah 50:4
“The Lord God has given Me
The tongue of the learned,
That I should know how to speak
A word in season to him who is weary.
He awakens Me morning by morning,
He awakens My ear
To hear as the learned.”

This verse has become so meaningful to me for several reasons. One is because I have never gone to college – furthest I went was high school. So I don’t feel smart and at times don’t feel like I’ve earned “my place at the table” in this world. The second is what I shared earlier. I struggle at times to formulate my thoughts and share them in such a way that makes sense to others. I know what I feel in my heart… but struggle knowing how to express it. I think in some ways that’s why I’ve become a hugger… you don’t have to say a word when you hug someone. That hug does all the talking for you. 😉

But! The truth is — God teaches me… every day what to say. Every morning he wakes me up and gives me the ability to hear as the learned. That’s straight up truth. And I’m pretty sure he’s the BEST professor I could ever have. 😉 I’ve decided that I am going to STOP saying all manner of these phrases over myself, and instead start believing that He does give me the words to speak, when He wants me to speak. I’m so thankful to have friends that have called me out on this area and encouraged me to believe the truth, and not the lies.

So, back to Tuesday… I found myself in a situation where I was the only follower of Jesus Christ and was asked to share with the group what I believe from my faith’s perspective in a particular topic. Guys – I am so thankful that I can pray to God, have my eyes open, and be engaged in conversation — AND talk to Him, all at the same time because I was freaking OUT!! My heart was pounding, and the whole time I was talking to Him in my spirit. “Jesus, what do YOU want me to say?” The words came… and I shared. Simple truth, which is right down my alley. I’m NOT into complicated. Right smack in the middle of talking, as usual, my mind went COMPLETELY blank and I’m stumbling around and the lies… oh the nasty lies, they started coming. “see, you can’t even talk! why did you even open your mouth?”

But you know what else came just as quick? The verse I shared above.  So, I gathered my thoughts, and finished.

And I felt God’s smile.

Not that I said it perfect… ’cause I know I didn’t. But because I shared what He told me share. Just simple truth… ’cause I really believe God keeps things simple.

Afterward, on my way home, lies kept trying to erase God’s smile I felt shining on my heart. His smile… I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced that really… But I could literally feel His smile! I could feel His “well done, kiddo” for showing up and being brave and faithful… EVEN IF someone else could’ve said it better than me. I did what He asked me to! For a couple of hours, the lies kept coming. “you should have said it this way. what if you were clear as mud? what if you did a disservice to Christ because of the way you said it? what if, what if, what if…” But honestly — I wasn’t having it and just kept focusing on the smile I felt and suddenly I realized the lies had stopped coming.

So… this girl has experienced in a fresh and new way that God, MY FRIEND, teaches me. And – if I let Him, gives me the words He wants me to say no matter what situation I find myself in. I’m taking that to the bank!